What horrifies me most is the idea
of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising,
and fading out into an indifferent middle age
My son is growing up ....and will I ever be ready for it? Happy,yes, proud,of course, but ready ?Never mind the patience and the understanding needed to soften the blow of this realization alone, here I am and I can t run. Because yes, the thought crossed my mind.
Starting to realize time passes against you, and the anxiety that comes with it. I had another of those moments just today, when I hold my breath for a second : I m scared. I am a grown up woman sitting next to my teenager son, tall as me and way more restless. And I am not allowed to show hesitation, or fear. My outbursts of pure silliness, oh, it dawns on me, they re rarer these days too. It was only yesterday I was a girl, and now they call me ma'am. I flinch. How dare you
I want him ambitious, strong willed and brave. I don't want him to see my fears, my questions, he must be having enough of his own already. I don't want him to see that I might have not answered all my questions, and be convinced that he ll find all of his. I wish him the impossible. I wish life was an outfit, so he can choose to try on a couple or more and see which one s the best fit. But life isn't He ll mistake once, think he learned, and hopefully do so after the third fall. And learn in time, hopefully before giving up, that life is all falls and rises
The multitude of feelings he gets to feel before knowing what is what, the first crush, the inevitable heartache? I need to take a breath, remember I've been through the same stuff, and put myself in his shoes... He s still very much a child who must deal with the fact that both his body and mind are outgrowing his heart....
In this short life that only lasts an hour
I can't bring myself to tell him:
How much–how little–is within our power!
If you look inside a girl's heart
and see how much she cries
you will find secrets,
best friends and lies
but what you'll see the most
is how hard it is to stay strong
when nothing is right
and everything is wrong
and see how much she cries
you will find secrets,
best friends and lies
but what you'll see the most
is how hard it is to stay strong
when nothing is right
and everything is wrong
I want him ambitious, strong willed and brave. I don't want him to see my fears, my questions, he must be having enough of his own already. I don't want him to see that I might have not answered all my questions, and be convinced that he ll find all of his. I wish him the impossible. I wish life was an outfit, so he can choose to try on a couple or more and see which one s the best fit. But life isn't He ll mistake once, think he learned, and hopefully do so after the third fall. And learn in time, hopefully before giving up, that life is all falls and rises
The multitude of feelings he gets to feel before knowing what is what, the first crush, the inevitable heartache? I need to take a breath, remember I've been through the same stuff, and put myself in his shoes... He s still very much a child who must deal with the fact that both his body and mind are outgrowing his heart....
Can you understand?Someone, somewhere,
can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair,
for all my ideals, for all that – I love life. But it is hard,
and I have so much – so very much to learn.
In this short life that only lasts an hour
I can't bring myself to tell him:
How much–how little–is within our power!
And I've learned: its no way to be a perfect mum, but thankfully there are a million ways to be a good one. If not the perfect mum, I m here to be a good one. To show him that falling's just another way to fly.
quotes by Sylvia Plath and Emilie Autumn
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