24th of July (first day in Callela)
Its s half ten and I stopped for breakfast at one of the many coffee shops. Loving all the pastries in this country, the churros sprinkled with sugar or dipped in chocolate, plus the proper coffee, damn I will get fat! ..all good...just keep thinking I need to get to talk to Brandon, I miss him so much, but like, did I think I wouldn't? I have not spoken to him since I left Dublin...oh, my dear boy!
Is not as cheap as everybody told me it is. But they do have nice things, maybe not shoes so much, I have only seen converse style shoes that I like, no nice heels. I might get a pair, but I have to really like it. I don't mind being on such a short budget, I m really happy to be here, even if I ll be paying back for this trip for the next few months. Its life. Definitely my life !!
And had a long talk with B last night...I do feel great about it for some reason. I know he cares. I just know. The moments we share are real. And that's the main thing. Present is, after all, everything a person has ,and when one person gives it to another, isn't this the greatest gift? Isn't "your present" the most you can give me? Thank you for giving your "present" to me and making my "present" so special ! A present !
here I am at cafeteria Balmez, no friend made to have breakfast, or lunch, or dinner with...I suppose it will be easier for him (he ll be off by himself pretty soon) And I suppose I could make friends if I wanted to. I don't bother, it seems such a hassle to socialize to me these days... I could enjoy the company of another, but that really means that he or she will make the effort, cause I m not up for it....it must be age :)....
xoxo miss you so baby mine !
early afternoon, after sunbathing with a Shakespeare as company....I haven't read much of him, you don't study much Shakespeare in Romania before university, and I didn't get as far, I was busy getting married ;)
on another terrace now, and apparently they all think I m Russian around here...the Russians think I m Russian, the waiter thought I m Russian, even the Romanians at the other table talk about me, thinking I m Russian :)
so when the waiter did ask where I m from, the only reason I avoided to answer is because the Romanian girls next table talked about me already and I did not feel like "paying " them back with a smart reply. I am here to chill, and I cannot be bothered either way. I don't like them ....sorry just saying.
Back to missing my son...he ll jump to hug me and scream "mami meu"! He is all I have , all I m most proud for in this restless life of mine. My world is happier and I m such a better person because I have him. And if I should feel small , compared to my mum and her life, I m not. The same way I don't feel small when compared to anyone else. Is it arrogance? God knows me and I m not arrogant, I m aware of my own arrogance and ignorance every day. So I fight it. All I m doing is trying not to judge myself too much, knowing that I m my worst judge, and I m as judgmental as they come! I have to find forgiveness for myself so I can go on. I have to let go of all mistakes I did so I can fight in life and do all I want to do without the breaks of useless regrets. I simply have to. God knows me and He understands it all, always. I can't even understand myself at all times, but I m learning to. I learn to accept the person I am and believe in the person I want to become.
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