R left very early around 2 am and as we both hated goodbyes, I pretended to be asleep. Neither me or his mum cried. We sat together in the kitchen that morning , her sipping coffee and me staring mindlessly out the window. It went on like this for maybe four or five days, each keeping quiet, each thinking of him in her own way. We got no news and I was afraid he's locked somewhere and not allowed to call even. But then he did call. He was fine. He was held in an asylum center in London for ten days, after which his brother would collect him and vouch for him. He told me at the phone to keep calm and patient, once out they ll send me money to come to London. His brother wasn't very keen on his plan, but R put pressure on him to help me too, as he would not stay there and wait for his child to be born, he wanted us to be together at baby's birth. He would say that if I m not getting over to him in London, he would simply come back home, which got me so upset. We owed so much money and him coming back would have been such nonsense. After all we have been through, I expected him to stay there and work, whether I got there or not. Because at the time I did not realize how right he was, we had to be together, we had to be near each other and only together we could solve anything. I thank God we are together, more than anything else We may have hard moments in our marriage, but we always realize that we must stay and fight. Life itself is a fight. At least thats how it was for both of us until now, and probably will keep that way. Some people have it easier or so it seems, but for us things were never easy.
I got the money and bought the plain ticket from the very same agency. Nobody asked me anything out of the ordinary. If they noticed I am pregnant, they said nothing, only happy to sell me that ticket. Which suited me fine, I did not want any questions from anyone. My mother in law was near me all the time. I could feel how sad she was, now I know something else was happening with her, but my own worries and thoughts didn't give me time to pay much attention, how sorry mother I am now! She wanted us to be happy and out of misery so much that she wouldn't mention her own. The plan was for her to stay and take care of our girls, and hopefully reunite as a family when we could, even if that meant years. All her children were away and I know she suffered for this and dreamed of seeing them again. She sometimes complained that she will not live the day to see them and I would laugh it off and call her "silly" "You are young and you are going to live so many more years, mum" I kept on telling her. I really believed that myself, but I was mistaken. She was going to die less than six weeks later and there was nobody left to take care of our girls.
note: I believed in so much at the time. I believed in us, and there s no us for many years now. I smile sadly because of how naive I was. You can fight it all by yourself, its hard but I m proof it can be done. And if I grow tired of being strong at times, I cry myself to sleep and there I am, smiling the next morning to fight it all again. And all this is behind me, it "another's life" This is a brand new me and I have been blessed to live again.
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