I may have thought about those times too much...
I might have cried too much ...
That's why I have to write about different things meantime as well. But the story unfolds , as life does. And we should never be ashamed to let (..) tears shine a light in this world.
As I go back , emotions and pain resurfaces. Long buried within. Or maybe thats not how it is... I m trying to understand how I felt back than .... I cannot do it without feeling the bite of old intense feelings .... But than : an emotion does not cause pain, is the resistance or suppression of emotions that causes pain . So I have to leave it all out. Just be patient with me. I need to do it in my own time.
Five long days in Paris. Than this " benefactor ", specialized in human trafficking really, came after me in Paris. He drove a smart BMW and was accompanied by two teenagers, his nice and nephew he said. Years younger than me , still against their stylish clothes they seemed preety dumb to me. But they weren t bad company. We talked a lot. Than at every checkpoint all the way to UK, through the Eurochannel , the "benefactor" , the Brazilian took the phone and let someone know : " i ve got an immigrant with me on the backseat, she s from Romania, her name is ..." Than once we drove through, an officer would take all the passports , except mine. He would just look at me, let us through and say " have a nice trip!" to all of us. Needless to say I was impressed. The Brazilian played cool, laughing off my amazement. Around 2 am he dropped me off at my brother in law front door. Before thou, he did not forget to ask for whatever money I had on me ( which I found out later, was not part of the deal ) .... It rained cats and dogs. But the bath I had an hour later felt like it washed away the anguish and anxiety of the week past.
When we woke up that afternoon, we went shopping. I had my first KFC. And I got new Nike runners and elasticated waisted Nike grey tracksuit bottoms. And my sister in law Paula gave me an worn dark blue Nike jacket. I remember them all too well. Not cause they re special but because I was stuck with wearing them for the next six months , day in day out, in Dublin, there were no money to buy new clothes.....
Than the day after we went into the Millenium wheel. Been there again last year but from that first time I only remember the wait in the queque ... My brother in law was with us everywhere .... Telling us all he knew about London and everything .... He wasn t keen on us leaving for Dublin, thinking we might have a better life there. But he did not force us to stay, he really wanted us to be happy with whatever decission made. I liked my extended family.
We decided to go Dublin as our friend advised us back in Romania only a couple month ago. We ve heard they did not ask for passports on the ferry and we had to risk once more. So bought the tickets for the train, to get to Holyhead, and off we went.
We were really stressed once we got to the port , but it proved for nothing. They did the check in simply by taking our tickets and typing our names into the screen. We were so relieved. Once on the boat we got dinner and I ate for two. But not long after I felt heavily sick. The boat was moving what it seemed to me out of control .... People got agitated and furniture fell over, glasses broke. Romeo kept assuring me this happens sometimes and is normal out at the sea. I spent the rest of the trip at the toilets. Definetely the worst night of my pregnancy, never been so sick before.
And sometime after midnight we arrived in Dublin port and took the bus to city centre. We looked for the metro ha there isn t one .... After wondering around for more than two hours we figured it out. Dublin city centre is quite small and we walked in circles ... We checked the hotel we knew our friend worked at but he wasn t there .... From South William street we ended up in Lower Gardiner Street. By that point I couldn t care were we stayed the night. It was almost 3 am and I couldn t walk anymore. We got a room at that hostel and we slept till after noon. After a light lunch we started asking where the Imigration office was .... We eventually found it that day, 3rx oc October We asked for asylum seeker status based on some silly harassment and discrimination claims against , back in Romania. We were to change our claims later, ask for a green book on the ground of our Irish born son. I had my baby exactly two weeks later. When he was 8 days old , God took away my mother in law. We did not know back than .... But it meant more than heartache. It altered my future forever. I guess God has his ways.
I might have cried too much ...
That's why I have to write about different things meantime as well. But the story unfolds , as life does. And we should never be ashamed to let (..) tears shine a light in this world.
As I go back , emotions and pain resurfaces. Long buried within. Or maybe thats not how it is... I m trying to understand how I felt back than .... I cannot do it without feeling the bite of old intense feelings .... But than : an emotion does not cause pain, is the resistance or suppression of emotions that causes pain . So I have to leave it all out. Just be patient with me. I need to do it in my own time.
Five long days in Paris. Than this " benefactor ", specialized in human trafficking really, came after me in Paris. He drove a smart BMW and was accompanied by two teenagers, his nice and nephew he said. Years younger than me , still against their stylish clothes they seemed preety dumb to me. But they weren t bad company. We talked a lot. Than at every checkpoint all the way to UK, through the Eurochannel , the "benefactor" , the Brazilian took the phone and let someone know : " i ve got an immigrant with me on the backseat, she s from Romania, her name is ..." Than once we drove through, an officer would take all the passports , except mine. He would just look at me, let us through and say " have a nice trip!" to all of us. Needless to say I was impressed. The Brazilian played cool, laughing off my amazement. Around 2 am he dropped me off at my brother in law front door. Before thou, he did not forget to ask for whatever money I had on me ( which I found out later, was not part of the deal ) .... It rained cats and dogs. But the bath I had an hour later felt like it washed away the anguish and anxiety of the week past.
When we woke up that afternoon, we went shopping. I had my first KFC. And I got new Nike runners and elasticated waisted Nike grey tracksuit bottoms. And my sister in law Paula gave me an worn dark blue Nike jacket. I remember them all too well. Not cause they re special but because I was stuck with wearing them for the next six months , day in day out, in Dublin, there were no money to buy new clothes.....
Than the day after we went into the Millenium wheel. Been there again last year but from that first time I only remember the wait in the queque ... My brother in law was with us everywhere .... Telling us all he knew about London and everything .... He wasn t keen on us leaving for Dublin, thinking we might have a better life there. But he did not force us to stay, he really wanted us to be happy with whatever decission made. I liked my extended family.
We decided to go Dublin as our friend advised us back in Romania only a couple month ago. We ve heard they did not ask for passports on the ferry and we had to risk once more. So bought the tickets for the train, to get to Holyhead, and off we went.
We were really stressed once we got to the port , but it proved for nothing. They did the check in simply by taking our tickets and typing our names into the screen. We were so relieved. Once on the boat we got dinner and I ate for two. But not long after I felt heavily sick. The boat was moving what it seemed to me out of control .... People got agitated and furniture fell over, glasses broke. Romeo kept assuring me this happens sometimes and is normal out at the sea. I spent the rest of the trip at the toilets. Definetely the worst night of my pregnancy, never been so sick before.
And sometime after midnight we arrived in Dublin port and took the bus to city centre. We looked for the metro ha there isn t one .... After wondering around for more than two hours we figured it out. Dublin city centre is quite small and we walked in circles ... We checked the hotel we knew our friend worked at but he wasn t there .... From South William street we ended up in Lower Gardiner Street. By that point I couldn t care were we stayed the night. It was almost 3 am and I couldn t walk anymore. We got a room at that hostel and we slept till after noon. After a light lunch we started asking where the Imigration office was .... We eventually found it that day, 3rx oc October We asked for asylum seeker status based on some silly harassment and discrimination claims against , back in Romania. We were to change our claims later, ask for a green book on the ground of our Irish born son. I had my baby exactly two weeks later. When he was 8 days old , God took away my mother in law. We did not know back than .... But it meant more than heartache. It altered my future forever. I guess God has his ways.
No comments:
Post a Comment